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Thursday, June 25, 2009
Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
-- T. S. Eliot
In my sophomore English class at Baylor University, Ann Miller required us to answer roll by quoting a line of poetry. Each time, I was scared to death that my memory would collapse before I could repeat the line I'd learned the night before or walking across campus to the Browning Building.
Who knows what made me choose the first three lines of "Burnt Norton"? I'll never forget how my voice shook as I repeated those lines to Mrs. Miller. Nor will I forget how she looked up from her roll book. beaming those brilliant eyes at me and asking, "And what does that mean, Miss Ball?" I remember that as if it were today, and tremble.
Looking back, I cannot imagine how I knew to talk about those moments in time when the past, present and future converge in a moment that is filled with something mysterious and numinous. I had an unformed understanding of what the Greeks called kairos time, and I think I must have said something about how T. S. Eliot's words were about a perspective of time that is different from chronos time.
Chronos time, that way of understanding time with which we are most familiar, measures our lives by clocks and calendars. Kairos time transcends our linear understanding of time and is all about the fullness of time when things come together in just the right way to give opportunity, meaning and depth to our lives. I think I was so bold to say that kairos time indicates God's perspective in seeing all things at the same time.
Ann Miller beamed at me when I stammered out my sophomoric understanding of kairos time, and I've called up that memory countless times when I've needed encouragement. I needed that special moment she gave me.
Last weekend, I was at Latity Lodge, a beautiful retreat center on the Frio River in the Hill Country in Texas, just up the road from Leakey and just west of Kerrville. For over thirty years, I have experienced those holy moments in that place when time has stood still or been infused with meaning and purpose. Laity, as we lovers of that place call it, has been a birthplace for me over and over throughout my adult life. I've watered the trees with copious tears, and I carry with me always the scent of cedar, the song of the canyon wren, the music and laughter and deep profound truths as mementos for my soul. For me, Laity is sacred ground.
On this retreat were some of the people who have been responsible for making Laity special for over forty years, and we shared our memories and our history, dipping deep into the wells of that history, not to cling to it, but to drink from the richness of it. There, too, were the two new directors, Mark Roberts and Steven Purcell, who are shaping a new vision and direction for this beloved place. We got acquainted, all of us, through our stories, learning how to be with each other with open minds and open hearts for the purpose of moving together into the future with grace.
Sitting together on Sunday morning, Eliot's words came back to me, and I remembered once again that in reaching forward toward the future and reaching back toward the past, the present moment had become a moment in which we lived in kairos time. Something mysterious had broken through our individual histories to draw us together in the present and lead us forward; whatever happened transcended time and space, clocks and calendars. As the past was folded into the present, we began to yearn toward a future full of the best that Laity Lodge has given through the years -- connection, friendship, inspiration, meaning and purpose and new beginnings. I left refreshed, restored and ready to live fully in the present moment, this incredible eternal Now, grateful for the past and eager for the future.
The theme of the retreat was "Transformation", and I think that as we gathered together "lending our minds out", as Robert Browning called it, we tapped into the power of that which does transform us. Lending our hearts out to each other, as well, we were able to say "thank you" for all that has been.....and "yes" to that which is to come.
What are those sacred places for you? How often do you visit them?
When has time been filled with the sacred in your own life? Who was there?
When have you been able to fold the history of your life into the present, for good?
What gifts from the past make your future and this present moment more meaningful?
To what and to whom from the past do you need to say "thank you"? And to what do you need to say "yes"?
For now -- in this present moment......grace to you --
Jeanie
(for more about Laity Lodge, go to http://www.laitylodge.org)
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